Life is a never ending popularity contest. If 1980’s teen comedies haven’t taught you anything, then you need to wake up. Unlike the angst of teens as portrayed in cinema, the good folks at imdb/amazon have devised a way to quantify one’s place in the entertainment world. As if Hollywood wasn’t focused enough on stardom, imdb pro users can check how they rank amongst their peers on a weekly basis. Yes, it is a stupidly imprecise science. Does that stop me from checking it from time to time? No, of course not!

Most weeks I find myself in the 90K-100K range, while weeks like today reveal that I’m the 267,932nd most important person in the entertainment universe. What does this mean? I have no idea. If there is a producer in this world that considers a potential employee’s imdb ranking before hiring them, then they should be taken out back and shot.

That being said, there is some value to it. Very little value, but I genuinely enjoy seeing how actors fall on the star ranking continuum. It can be fun to consult when selecting who should be at the front of one’s reel. If somebody that you’ve worked with is in the top 1K, then you would be wise to showcase him or her! That being said, most of us in the business have a decent sense of who is noteworthy and who is old news…

Are you ready for this?

I just received an email from a company that will accept a bribe in exchange for raising my imdb ranking. What will this mean for those of us who refuse to pay for this unethical service? That remains to be seen. Hopefully these guys are frauds (and I’m 99% sure that they are). If not, then I’m going to be sad that I missed my opportunity to get into this pyramid scheme early. Go ahead and read what they sent! Note that I have replaced the portions that were in all caps and made them bold. I’ve also removed their contact info so they don’t receive free promotion.

subject: Problem With Your IMDb Page

We have created a way helping your IMDB ranking get to a much better number. We have taken over 100 actors from over 100,000 to under 20,000 in just 1 week. We have a way of getting you thousands of unique views to your IMDB that will cause your Star Meter to get better and better. We charge $40.00 a month for this service and we do limit our service to only 100 celebrities. If you are wondering if our systen works look at Sean Levan (http://pro.imdb.com/name/nm3075202/). we took his imdb from 1,328,602 to 17,408 in a week. He has NEVER been below 400,000 in his career. So yes our system works.

HERE IS HOW WE DO THINGS:
Here is how we help your IMDB ranking. As you know IMDB is run by how many times your IMDB page is viewed by different ISP accounts. So no matter how low your ranking is our service will benefit your ranking. Basically how it works is we put your IMDB page to open on our website and I know why you are saying is why would people go to that site. Also many casting directors look at your IMDB score to see your fan base before casting. Also agents look at your ranking as a guide too. The reason is we own over 3000 websites that are similar to very popular sites like eBay if spelled wrong. On an average week our site gets between 12,000 to 30,000 hits. That adds 12,000 to 30,000 views to your IMDB ever week. We do charge a fee of $40 a month payable by check or money order only to J*******n A*****i (no paypal) to be sent to: 553 N. *******. #200; Redondo Beach, CA. 90277. INCLUDE YOUR IMDB NAME & YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS WITH PAYMENT. WE EVEN GUARANTEE OUR SERVICE. If you don’t see a drastic change to your IMDB we will give you free service until a drastic change has been made. So say your IMDB is 40,000 we feel a drastic change is making it to the 10,000 to 19,000 range and stay there. After a month you can continue. Also if you refer us people after first month we give you $5.00 off your monthly fee for everyone you refer. So the better we do for you the more people you would want to refer. We are also private and NEVER tell anyone who we work with. So no one will never know except you and me. To sign up just send in your check or money order and your name as it appears on IMDB.I am sure you will be very happy with our service.
TO BE REMOVED FROM FUTURE MAILINGS REPLY WITH REMOVE

This almost sounds as good as those emails from Nigerian princes offering great wealth in exchange for your bank account information… Me thinks I’ll keep the $40/month in my pocket.

Author

Dustin Pearlman Dustin Pearlman is a plant-based Cinematographer. Aside from film, he's passionate about the environment, music, and cycling. He's a member of IATSE Local 600 and lives in Los Angeles with his mini-schnauzer Iris.